I have been an attendee of The Feast SM Bicutan for almost two months already. It is one of my self-help therapy to slowly recover from depression.
I go there every Sunday with my son and husband to receive spiritual talk and fill our spiritual being. And honestly, it’s one of the best things I do every week. Listening to God’s words, worshiping, glorifying and giving thanks to Him for all the things He did and will be doing in our lives. I am genuinely happy, really! This feeling – is something I missed in my life after I graduated College.
Some 5 or 6 years ago, I use to join care cell or life group led by one of my college professor and her friends in church. My friends and I will gather every Thursday, go to a quiet and vacant room or in the Forest (the famous tambayan of students on our campus who are waiting for their next classes or are just not yet wanting to go home. Haha!), to discuss and share our thoughts about one topic that is usually based on Bible Scriptures.
Our Care Cell is something I look forward to in my school each week. I love the learnings and sharings, and how blessed I feel that I am filled with God’s words and life’s wisdom after joining them.
However, the Thursday sessions stopped happening when our schedules became different from each other and we cannot find a day in a week wherein all of us will be able to attend. Most of us got busy in school projects, thesis until we graduated. We left the school, found a workplace and got busier with our own lives.
Sadly, the busy work life slowly deteriorated my spiritual life. I’ve lost my balance and focused on the wrong things.
Did you ever get so busy that your whole week was spent in the office and you’re mostly doing overtime work? And you sometimes, have to work on a Saturday, too – that’s why your Sundays are mostly spent in your house, lying in bed and missing the Sunday’s Holy Mass because you want to have enough rest before Monday comes in again?
I am so guilty of this!
Believe it or not, the years that passed before I joined the Care Cell in my college days feels messy and depressing. That’s how it has been also when I stopped reading devotional books and I wasn’t attending the Sunday’s Holy Mass. And even I get to attend on some Sundays, it feels hypocritical as I wasn’t at the moment.
I was disconnected – that’s the right term. I am connected with the people around me but I am disconnected from the Lord.
I slowly stopped glorifying the Lord. Until my life felt pointless again and messy did I only notice that my spiritual life is already drained. I can never stress it enough when I say that I was suicidal at most times which I shared from my previous post about my struggles as a person with depression. Not even my family and relatives know about it.
I became so busy pleasing them. I gave my attention and efforts to my work. I focused on the wrong things!
But you know what? The Lord has still been good to me and family in spite of our shortcomings as Christians (we’re Catholics, and we believe in Jesus, therefore we’re still Christians! :D). He never forgets. He always forgives.
Before me and my family became a regular attendee of The Feast, I personally felt ashamed because I think I am such a sinful person. I do not know if I still am worthy of the Lord’s unending love because I have disappointed Him and I fell short of my spiritual life many times already.
But when I first stepped inside The Feast, I know already that I am welcome. My family is very welcome. We were prayed over as first-time attendees. The people are a bunch of happy and grateful individuals and the feeling is contagious! It was one of the happiest moments of my life. You know why? I felt God’s overwhelming love for me as His child, His daughter once again.
It is overwhelming because it feels so new to me. I never felt so loved and accepted. I don’t know if I am just really an emotional woman, but all my life I’ve been expecting to feel loved and accepted. I’m such a people-pleaser in the hopes that I will be accepted. I grew up with the feeling that I am being despised and rejected most of the time. And because I try to please my family and my friends, I expected so highly of them thinking they will revert the love, the care, and the attention I invested in them.
Wrong. I was very wrong. I know…
“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” – Matthew 6:19-21 ESV
It’s always God first.
“In everything you do, put God first, and he will direct you and crown your efforts with success.” – Proverbs 3:6 TLB
I am writing this while praying and hoping that my family, my friends and to those who are reading this who are going through something difficult in their lives, may not repeat the same mistakes I’ve done in the past.
P.S. – Thanks to The Feast SM Bicutan, and to the Light of Jesus Family. You’re such a blessing to the people around you. May the good Lord bless you all for your good deeds. You guys from the ministry may not know me and what my story is but you are all God sent angels to bring back God’s people in His arms. 🙂 Sana dumami pa ang Feasters who will faithfully glorify the Lord!
P.S. no.2 – Every week, if my time permits and in God’s will, I’ll be posting my reflections from attending The Feast every Sunday. I hope I can do this regularly. It is very helpful to me as I get to reflect and introspect in a positive way.
Thanks be to God!