Years ago, I started setting One Word For The Year instead of listing down goals or giving myself a bucket list of things I will not really be able to achieve even until the next year comes in. For so long, I’ve been migrating goals from one year to another because… yep! I have failed to achieve them. Lol.
This One Word for the Year ritual somehow sets the mood or theme to where my goals are based. As time goes by, I learned that having a yearly theme sets my perspective and gives me a guide on how I’m supposed to navigate my life.
Just a bit of a back story from last year, the word I used is – Strive. The very reason for choosing this word is that my husband and I have decided to purchase property early last year and it’s one of the biggest decisions we’ve made for our family. Our dream home sparked the need for me to strive harder and push myself to the limit. Every day for the first part of the year, I kept on telling myself the famous lines – I can do this!
I juggled multiple jobs/projects, have lost some (more) sleep, gained more eye luggage, failed to rest and relax and I also paused from blogging. In short, I overworked myself because I wanted us to finish the property’s equity. We wanted our own home and we’re so looking forward to it.
Come around mid-year of 2018 and voila! Depression and anxiety came into the picture. The feeling is so too familiar. The loneliness, emptiness, irritability and guilt towards my parenting life rolled into one. I’ve also isolated myself for a while. I didn’t want anyone to know about what I’m going through and besides, explaining the why’s of it is also too dreading for a person who suffers depression because we can’t even fully explain it ourselves. And that adds up to the guilt that I shouldn’t be feeling this but it’s here so I better just shut my mouth about it.
Anyway, the depression was so bad. I unplugged myself from the digital world. Rarely did I communicate with friends and colleagues, and I am most of the time irritable with the kids. The quality of my life and my mental health has sadly decreased. I became so overwhelmed with what’s on my plate.
Fast forward to the end of last year, somehow, I already learned my lesson (the hard way) and slowly become somehow OK. I learned that I can’t just continue striving and lose myself and my sanity in the process because my family needs me. I reflected on how my life has been the whole of 2018 and how could I possibly improve or at least get back up this 2019 and move forward from all that has happened to me.
Suffering from a debilitating mental health issue made me realise how important the power of my mind is. A sound, peaceful mind is what I’ve missed for most of the last year. Oh, how my mind desired to slow down although my circumstances tell me otherwise. But yeah, I mentally abused myself last year so as a gift to myself, I chose mindfulness as the main theme of my 2019.
Geez, how I wish it’s that easy! Because newsflash, it’s almost mid-2019, and until now, I can’t sit still for a full 10-minutes without distractions crossing my mind or a toddler suddenly being awakened and comes running onto my lap. Hahaha!
I chose this because I want to become more aware of what’s going on with my life. It is said to reduce anxiety and stress, and increases the ability of the mind to focus. Those are some of the fruit of living mindfully that I wanted to integrate in my life.
Living mindfully takes a lot of effort. I had to be more intentional in everything that I do. I had to always remind myself to breathe-in-and-out so as to reduce my anxiety during my episodes. Every morning, I would try to do my devotions or write on my journal to let my mind reflect and express.
Honestly, I can say that although my mind is still under training, I have already been seeing improvements in me for attempting to become a more mindful person. I have become less irritable compared to last year. I still experience depressive moods or panic attacks, sometimes manageable and sometimes it’s not. But looking back from last year and from the past years battling them, this year has been much better so far!
I look forward to living mindfully not just for this year but for the rest of my life. This is not just an attempt to improve my quality of life but to also to make my mind more at ease.
Lastly, as I cling on to this word as my main theme for this year, I also have chosen a scripture from the Bible to be my ultimate guide and help as I battle with anxiety.
Philippians 4:8 is such a beautiful reminder from the word of God of what our minds should be focused on. May these words from the Bible also bless your life and your mind, dear! 🙂