Our friends and family know that my first pregnancy with Gabriel was unplanned and out of wedlock. The year that Bryan and I got married is the same year that I gave birth to Gabriel. And every single thing was never the same again!
The moment that I’ve come to realize that I am pregnant with Gabriel, though it was unplanned, I know I am ready. I am ready to welcome a little baby in this world, hold and hug him tight in my arms, and give all the best that I could give even if there’s nothing left for myself anymore. The love I feel for my first born is so strong and overwhelming that I always ask myself, could I still love another tiny human being as much as I love my little man, Gabriel?
Fast forward to a year and a half of being a Momma to Gabriel, we discovered that another blessing has arrived. There’s another bun in the oven!!!
Honestly, my reaction from learning I was pregnant with Gabriel is very much different with how I reacted when I saw 1 clear pink and 1 blurred pink line in the 1st PT kit that I used.
I immediately talked to my co-mommies in an online support group that I am in, and they all advised me test on another one but also already congratulating me because I am most probably, 90% pregnant. After all, false negative results are more common than false positives.
Side story: I went to the generic drugstore near our home on the same night I tested the first PT kit above. I bought 3 PT kits. I know it’s insane but I was so skeptic of the first result. Though the kit wasn’t expired yet, I was thinking that it might be defective because it’s been in our cabinet for quite some time already. Funny thing, though, because I am so nervous and all, I forgot the keys when I came out of our door. I don’t have my phone with me, too! All I have is my money and an umbrella. Haha! I was so out of my mind obviously. I just stayed at my in-laws’ house with Gabriel (good thing, it’s just a building away from our unit). I had to wait for my husband to come home from work because he has the spare key. Super LOL moment. Aligaga ang lola nyo!
And yes you’re seeing four used PT kits! Ganu’n ako ka-hindi makapaniwala! Even Bryan can’t believe this news at first because we intend to have our 2nd child at least 3-5 years apart from when our Gabriel was born.
I burst into tears. I immediately thought about my little man. My dearest, little tot, whom I still breastfeed. Paano na si bebe? – my heartbreaking thoughts.
Please don’t get me wrong. I also fancy having a second baby. I just never thought it would be this early. I don’t know if it’s just me but I think I was crying for a whole week since I’ve known I am yet again, pregnant. The hormones were raging and destroying my emotional health for quite some time and it gave me what seems like endless guilt for being pregnant once again.
Aside from worrying that our current finances may not be enough for an additional joy to the family, I am also emotionally tortured with guilt. I am so devoted to being a mother to my first born and I feel like I am not ready for a divided attention just yet.
I am already two months pregnant now and I avoid carrying heavy objects. Meaning to say, I also cannot carry my now 10.5 kgs toddler even he wants me to. Even he insists I would have to resist.
The guilt even grows stronger because I know that our breastfeeding journey will have to end at some point. I’m lucky enough that I am not experiencing spotting or bleeding that would force me to stop breastfeeding my son. But I know that my milk supply will eventually decrease until my son voluntarily wean. 🙁
With all the changes coming to our lives again, I am trying to keep the positivity alive. A new baby is a sign that the Lord is abundantly blessing our family. He never forgets. He’s always in perfect timing and everything happens in His will if we just lay our trusts upon Him.
My husband and I honestly don’t know what happened. We are on natural birth control method and yet we have conceived another life inside my womb. That, for us, is what God has planned for our family. And we gratefully embrace the change that is yet to come to our lives. After all, sabi nga nila, at least Gabriel will have his playmate already which will hopefully lessen his suplado reflexes. Lol!
I am hoping for a baby girl tapos quota na besh! Haha! But the husband wants another baby boy (because he’s afraid to have a baby girl. Medyo takot yata sa karma ang lolo nyo 😛 ). I am excited somehow because if our 2nd baby is indeed a girl, I’ll have someone to go with me on a shopping trip, on nail salons and spas! I’d be her first BFF in life and we will have a great time together doing kaartehan stuff (oops, sorry daddy! It’s a girl thing! Haha!).
They say that a Mother’s Love is quantifiable. So why should I be afraid that I will not be able to love our second child as much as I love our first born?
Of course, I can. I’m a Mommy! Haaay. 🙂
I would also like to think that at least, by the time that my husband and I are already in our 40s, we already have tweens! I believe it’s gonna be an exciting and sweeter life ahead of us. But first, let me take a nap because the pregnancy hormones are now kicking in again.
Have a great life everyone! 🙂