not-so-good-mommy-days
Mommy Life, Mommy's Reflections

For The Not-So-Good Mommy Days That I Needed To Cry

We, moms, all have THOSE days.

We have happy mommy days and the not-so-good mommy days. The not-so-good mommy day of mine happens to be today.

As I sip into my cup of coffee and bite into my slice of cake at the moment, I can’t help but feel bad about myself.

I shouted at my little man. I was so furious that he’s been crying for about half an hour already and I can’t get him to stop no matter what I do. He’s tantrums have become unreasonable in my point of view that I lost control and let out one angry shout because I can’t get hold of my irritation anymore. No, I didn’t just shout. I growled. I said “stop crying!!!!” like a lion so fierce and with an intent to scare its prey ’til it can’t move any longer out of so much fear.

My son froze and I realized I was holding his wrist. He pulled back his hand and he murmured “ouch” and silently cried again.

That’s when I realized that my son got hurt from my strong grip on his wrist. And I instantly felt my heart-shattering. My husband suddenly came from downstairs to rescue his son from me. I felt so guilty. I felt so bad and suddenly undeserving of being called Mommy.

Then they left and have gone downstairs, while there I was sitting on the bed alone. Tears suddenly fell down from my eyes.

I cried. I cried hard. I knew I needed to cry it out.

I needed to cry because I am tired.

I needed to cry because I am stressed.

I needed to cry because my pregnant hormones tell me to do so.

I needed to cry because I feel I’ve failed to be a compassionate and loving Mommy I’ve ought to be. I’ve failed to be Joyful as I’ve told myself I will be for each and every day of this year.

I needed to cry because there are so many things that I wanted to do. Stuff I needed to accomplish. And yet there I was – feeling helpless and always running out of time.

I needed to cry because 24 hours isn’t enough. Can you lend me another 24 hours to get me through the day?

I needed to cry because I’m a Mom. And I’m overwhelmed.

And for all those who also feel the same way, I wanted you to know that it’s OK. We all go through this kind of days. And we will get through these days.

We’re pretty much normal human beings – only that we’re labelled as Moms.

Most of the people around us expect us to be strong like we’re not allowed to feel tired. We are to fulfill our duties as mothers. We are anticipated to be loving at all times even though we feel that we no longer love ourselves.

But it’s OK. This day is just one of those not-so-good mommy days. This, too, shall pass. I will be OK. I have to be OK. That’s why I prayed so hard before I started writing down how I’ve become a Momster today. I knew I needed to cry and pray.

For the restless mommies out there – Cry and Pray ‘coz it’s OK.

I prayed for more patience and strength. I love my son so much. I love my family more than anyone else next to God. But these are just the days that I get to feel extra unloving towards anyone or even to myself. And I feel so sorry.

The moment my son wakes up from his afternoon nap, I will hug him very tight and say sorry even though I know he doesn’t remember or fully understands the reason why I told him so. And I hope he hugs his Mommy back and from then I will feel a little better because I know that everything’s OK.

Live. Laugh. Love. Write. Pray.

Mommy Mitch

15 Comments

  1. Reading posts like this makes me feel that I am not so alone in this journey. No matter how hard I try to hold my patience, there would be that day…the unprepared day when I would just break out and do the same thing. Exactly the same reasons you’ve got. Sometimes, I feel silly shifting from one emotion to another. I just really cry it out to the Lord as well. When people ask how I manage 3 kids, I just tell them I draw strength and wisdom from God. It’s impossible to joyfully survive the day without Him. Haha

    1. Hahaha! Parang nakakabaliw nga noh? Minsan after I’ve unintentionally shouted at my toddler and he cried because I’ve scared him, I would suddenly become the malambing mommy again. Saying sorry and I love you in a sweet calm voice while crying, too.

  2. Janice

    You’re not alone. I totally get you. I’m having one of those days today. I wanna just sleep it off because I don’t feel well but I can’t because there are just so many things to do. I just try to think of ways to make today easier like maybe slacking off on less important matters. Hugs to you. We can do this!

    1. Thanks Mommy Janice! I honestly admire you as you seem to do a lot more things even with a newborn and a pre-schooler. 🙂

  3. I’m a mom too and I’ve been there. Like you’ve said, we’re only human beings and we are not perfect, meron talaga moments na ganito na hindi natin maiwasan lalo na kung stress tayo. If I feel stress, I take time to relax, breathe and unwind so I can control my emotion and reaction.

    1. Oo nga eh. Whenever I feel I am about to snap again, I take a deep breath and try to remind myself that I am just tired so I better get some rest.

  4. So we were at the smart parenting event last Saturday, right? And there I was, trying to apply the things that I learned during the seminar and it’s really, really not easy at all! There are times that I could still raise my voice on Nate. And you’re right, it’s normal, we’re not perfect human beings, we need to be reminded from time to time. Don’t feel bad about yourself, go on a break if you need to. These deadlines are really killing, no? Pero sometimes, when I get tired thinking of all of them, I forget them nalang. bahala na. lol. Breathe sis. Kaya mo yan!

    1. Hahaha! Oo nga eh, napakahirap i-apply ng mga natutunan natin from the workshop. It would really take some time and loads of patience talaga to raise a toddler. Thanks sis! Kaya natin to! 😀

  5. Having that not so good mom in a day truly happens and i can feel you. Yes, we are not perfect but i know that we moms make our to the mask best to be the perfect one.

  6. Online hugs!!! Again, know that your feelings are normal. Keep on praying, too. Being a mom is a very tough job, so don’t be too hard on yourself. 🙂

    1. That’s what I’m trying to work on. The “not-to-be-too-hard-on-myself” kind of thing. Ang hirap, pero tina-try ko talaga! Haha! Thanks for reminding me, Mommy! 😀

  7. I was blessed to be surrounded by seasoned mothers when I gave birth to my children, and they were such a supportive bunch of prayerful, patient, listening-type of women who reminded me about God’s grace for the “weak.”. My husband is very forgiving and my kids are, too. So I never really had this thing about being perfect. Yes we do have these kind of days, don’t we? Hugs mommy. You’re doing just fine. There are good days and there are bad days.

    1. It really helps when you have very understanding people around you, right? It makes you feel less guilty and hard on yourself. Most of us Moms pa naman, mas nagiging emotional when it comes to wife and mommy concerns like what I’ve just written. I guess the key to all these negative emotions is to lift them up through prayer and get a well-deserved rest.

  8. I guess it was all part of our mum territory. Motherhood, after all, is no walk in the park, and sooner than later, we are bound to lose our temper, especially mums with rowdy little boys. I have numerous occasions like this, too, when I feel so guilty for being a terrible mum I would just cry. I guess, much like our children learning how to behave properly, we are also merely learning how to be a mum as the days go by. So do not be too hard on yourself, and, yes, praying for more patience and tolerance is always a good idea.

    1. Your words are so comforting. Thank you! <3

Let me hear your precious thoughts! :)